Author: jfunkhouser

Fallow Ground

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“We have, indeed, to fashion our own desert where we can withdraw every day, shake off our compulsions [and distractions,] and dwell in the gentle healing presence of our Lord. Without such a desert we will lose our own soul while preaching the gospel to others.” –Henri Nouwen, The Way of the Heart

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Two weeks have gone by since my last post–two weeks spent reconnecting with family and friends and slipping back into (almost) all the familiar routines of life here. Already, I’m struggling with reconciling the person I wanted to be during this time with the reality of who I still am. In some ways, this time I had hoped would be such a fresh start has felt more like hitting rewind. Here I am, back living in the same apartment, with the same things on my to-do list, the same ability to be so easily sidetracked and distracted, and the same feelings of cluttered chaos already creeping in like dustbunnies in the corner.

I’m reminded today of my deep need for consistent solitude–which is not my natural inclination. I am a die-hard people person, and although I’d usually rather listen than talk, I really do hate being anywhere alone. Yet solitude is so much more than simply time for me to withdraw from the world and have “alone time.” Solitude is opening up the inner space of my heart where all my fears and hurts and misgivings come rushing out. It is bringing all myself before Christ and really confronting it there, in a place where I can no longer run or hide from it. It is the prayer that not only examines my own self, but receives His healing grace and worships His beauty.

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In this space of in-between, when life seems full of the small things and I’m struggling to connect the last three months to my immediate future, I want to remember that healthy soil is given time to lie fallow. I’m not always in control of the pace of my life, or how each season will evolve, but I am always able to choose what kind of person I become in the meantime. So the question then becomes not “What will I do now?” but “Who do I really want to be?” I want to celebrate this chance and never lose sight of the blessing it really is. My prayer is that this will be a season when all that I’ve learned and gained over the last three months can really germinate inside my heart. God alone knows when it will be time for the first buds–whatever they are–to grow.

Souvenirs

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“Pilgrims often journey to the ends of the earth in search of holy ground, only to find that they have never walked on anything else.” Scott Russell Sanders

Well my friends, we made it.

We’re “home”–back where everyone speaks our language, where we can enter public restrooms FOR FREE, where we can ask for a cup of ice water with our meal and not look like tourists. Where people smile when you enter a store, and come to take your order shockingly fast when you sit down in a restaurant.

We wandered through Safeway today, reveling in the thousands of options at our fingertips. We smile and wave when bikers give us the right of way. And above all, we keep reminding ourselves that Amsterdam really happened and we didn’t just wake up from a very, very long dream. 

Jet lag is still wearing off–I woke up this morning at 3:45 AM, craving noodles. And there are hundreds of photos to sort through and piles of laundry and so many blessings just sitting here at my fingertips. Grace, all of it. Each time I’m tempted to wish I was back in Europe, I stop for a breath, look around, and remember this too is holy ground. This too is a place I will encounter the weight of glory–in the warm sun on my toes, the faces I pass, the work we have returned to.

However, the more we look back on everything we’ve learned and experienced, we realize there was such great value in our time in Amsterdam as well. Together, Ben and I have come up with a list of attitudes or habits really appreciated during the past few months–ones we’d like to begin implementing ourselves in the coming months. Take a look if you’re curious:

1. Hospitality.

We have felt so welcomed into the homes of friends and new acquaintances, both in Amsterdam and while we traveled. I think one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned through it all is that traveling doesn’t change you–but the people you meet just might. I’m challenged to look at my own life now that we’ve returned, and make sure I always leave space for spontaneous hospitality.

2. Living simply.

This is one we’ve already started working on in the past year–getting rid of stuff, only owning one car, etc. However, we’ve come home inspired to take even more steps in this direction. For example, if we lived three months without this stuff, how much of it do we really need? And “living simply” isn’t just about getting rid of things, but about protecting things that matter. Evening dinners outside, walks to the store, visiting our local farmer’s markets, and so much more.

3. Making time for beauty.

Buying fresh flowers. Lighting candles. Going to art museums and community concerts. Decorating with and wearing items I love. Making time and space for things I would normally consider luxuries–yet not as part of a luxurious lifestyle.

4. Investing in community.

In the past two years we’ve moved twice, switched churches, and then spent three months abroad. As of yet, we haven’t really invested deeply in any community outside of our circle of friends and family. Our goal for the coming years is to put in the effort to put down roots, without worrying about whether or not we’re staying in that community long-term. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m currently focused on how to incorporate a lifestyle of justice into my everyday life. And part of what I think this means is to really involve yourself in the lives of people around you.

Now that we’ve returned, the challenge will really be putting these goals into action. In the next few posts, I’ll continue to reflect on what we’ve learned in Amsterdam, and whatever challenges we run into as well! In the meantime, take a deep breath, look around you, and count three things you are thankful for. We really are standing on holy ground.

The Journey Back

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Tomorrow we begin our journey back to America. It’s hard to believe that the months could fly by so fast! There is so much I want to write about– all that I’ve seen and learned, all that I’m taking with me, and all the wonderful people I’m leaving behind. It’s definitely a bittersweet ending, for sure. In the next few weeks, I’ll be taking now time to write about all of these things. In the meantime, I’ve got a lot to think about on my trans-Atlantic flight to the west coast! Thanks to everyone who has supported and encouraged us in these past three months. I can’t wait to tell you all more.

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“…on this journey together–

steps of faith each morning,

clasping memories close each night.

We carry so much with us,

still learning together

what we can let go of, let

the wind carry–

and what seeds to water in sacrifices and joys.”

Snapshots.

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I’d like to start out this post by affirming that there are now two more very good reasons I don’t typically wear white/light colored pants. And those reasons are 1. Mexican food and 2. Mexican food.

On another note, here are a few snapshots from this past week:

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It has been a great week–full of challenges, hard work, late nights, laughter, beach trips, and perhaps a little too much cake. In some ways, it feels like we’ve been here forever; in others, like we’re only just getting started. It’s this strange mix of starting to be excited to bring all that I’ve learned back to “real life,” and yet wanting to hold onto these moments and never return.

I feel I could go on forever about all I have been learning this week–about myself, God, what it takes to make a ministry like this run, and how much I still have to learn about love. I’m reminded again of how challenges really are the things that sharpen us and bring us growth. All the things I would avoid if I could see them coming–all the uncomfortable tensions, the irritating situations, the stress or fear of the unknowns…these are the things that question my assumptions, that ask me what I’m really made of. My gut reactions say a lot more about my true theology than any good ideas. What is theology even about anyways, if it doesn’t affect the way we live?

In the midst of so much I wish that I was; in the midst of sorting through what I really believe; in the midst of all the times my hunger for love and acceptance comes clawing up unexpectedly, all I can say is how good it is to take a deep breath and meditate on Grace.

Grace in the eyes of my husband who consistently loves and cherishes me each day. Grace in the words of my teammates for the times I let an opportunity slip by. Grace in the hands and feet and love of Jesus, who never expected me to simply figure this out on my own.

Let my heart become a vessel in which this grace overflows.

What Does Justice Ask of Us? -More Than Just Putting Out Buckets.

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Justice requires many things from us.

It requires that we be both warriors and mothers, advocates and givers. It asks for us to fight against wrong, to defend the vulnerable, to take proactive steps towards filling the cracks instead of just putting out buckets to catch the leaks.

It asks us to house the stranger and welcome the orphan, to live shockingly generous, hospitable lives–to walk the delicate tightrope between mercy and steadfast truth–in short, it asks from us more than we can give on our own.

To live “righteously” is to live rightly, to invest our time and resources into the things that matter. Yet without the Spirit, our hearts will become exhausted trying to measure up to an idea of perfection, rather than righteousness. Lately I’ve been thinking how justice has less to do with the letter of the law, and a whole lot more about the intent of the heart. If you look at the judges and kings who are the hero of a good story, immortalized in tales passed down through the generations, it was their creative wisdom that saved the day and accomplished what was ultimately just.

The more I ponder justice, the more I’m convinced it goes further than simply wanting laws enforced, evildoers jailed, clear division between right and wrong. Certainly, it involves these things. But could these actions, without love, be nothing more than vengeance?

When I say “love,” I also mean so much more than mere compassion and emotional sympathy. We may not always “feel” this love, this justice. I’m referencing a fierce love, a practical love, a self-emptying love. It’s a love that clings to truth because it knows that love separated from truth becomes a weak and shriveled love.

I want more than anything to learn how to live a life like this.

Our favorite things–take two!

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There are so many things we have come to love about Dutch culture–and food! Aaandd, maybe a few things we won’t miss too much as well. Here are a few of our latest favorites:

1. Vla

Usually when I first explain vla to someone, the conversation goes like this:

Me: “Have you tried vla yet?”

Person #2: “Blah? What’s that? Sounds weird.”

Understandable, for sure. And in reality, vla is, well, pretty much as “blah” as you make it. It’s essentially a mild custard of a yogurt-like consistency. The most common flavors are chocolate and vanilla, but there actually are a whole lot more.

By itself, it’s actually not something that stands out of the crowd. We’ve learned that you can really put all sorts of crazy things on top of it though–including lemonade concentrate, fruit, chocolate or caramel syrup, and previously mentioned hagelslag. I’m not sure exactly what is a traditional “Dutch” way to eat it, and what is simply what people around us have decided tastes good. I have to say that, when matched with chocolate syrup and bananas, it definitely started to grow on me.

2. Cats. Everywhere.

One unfortunate aspect of having canals everywhere in your city is the prevalence of rodents. Or so we’ve been told. To remedy this, nearly every building in Amsterdam seems to have at least one cat slinking around. Cafes, clothing stores, homes–you name it, they’ve likely got one. Which means we have all sorts of fun and humorous encounters with furry fellows like these:

3. French fries count as a meal here.

Did we mention they eat them with mayo and curry sauce? Other options generally include garlic and some kind of soy/peanut sauce–along with the less popular ketchup and mustard.

4. Open air markets every weekend, and beyond.

I’m pretty sure with a little bit of strategy we could avoid entering a store for the rest of our lives here. Deodorant, makeup, clothing, socks, household gadgets, all kinds of food and accessories imaginable, fresh flowers, lingerie…well you get the picture.

Now for a couple of items that will never make it on this list:

1. Pickled herring.

We tried it to have the real Netherlands experience. We wanted to like it, we really did. Sadly…no.

2. Salted (sugarless) licorice.

The Netherlands is known for having really good licorice. I happen to love black licorice, so I was eager to finally try some. The first moral of the story, however, is that there is a time and place to stop your mad rush through the grocery store and actually use Google Translate once in a while. Then, maybe I would have ended up with “sweet and soft” licorice instead (which has actually turned out to be delicious). I have concluded that I will never acquire a taste for salted licorice–and that from now on I will always translate, at least when it comes to important things like candy.

I’ll wrap this up letting you know there’s a whole lot more going on here than just eating and shopping. 🙂 More thoughts to come–and hopefully soon!

Enter the interns.

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I’m excited to write this post today and finally get to answer the many, many questions I’ve gotten throughout the past four months or more. Nearly all of them sounded exactly (and understandably) like this: “So, what will you be doing during your internship?”

My answer, until this week: “Honestly, I have no idea.”

However, I have now officially begun my internship and actually know what it will look like for the next month! Hooray! So for anyone who’s still awaiting a better answer to their question, this post is for you. 🙂

The rundown: Every week we’ll have the chance to participate in all staff meetings and corporate worship times. This will also include scheduled times of helping out around the base, whether that’s cleaning, admin work, laundry, or answering phones. In addition to this, the four of us have been asked to work on a few specific research projects, which will hopefully help the Lighthouse ministry build relationships with a deeper level of cultural understanding and sensitivity. Lastly, we will be participating in outreach three nights a week in various formats.

I’m really looking forward to all of the great experience our team will gain through this internship. Besides myself, there are three other beautiful ladies on my team as interns, and I’ve already been so blessed to work alongside and learn from them. It’s also going to be great spending more time with the Lighthouse staff, as they have so much knowledge and such beautiful hearts.

In the next few weeks, I’m hoping to keep you all updated on what’s going on here–but also add a little more insight into all that I am learning more personally as well. As always, if you have anything specific you’re just dying to know, any questions I can answer–just send them my way or comment below! Thank you all so much for your prayers during this time!

Four and More!

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“If you’ve lived in a place for a week, you’ll write a book.

If you’ve lived in a place for a month, you’ll write an article.

If you’ve lived in a place for a year, you’ll realize you don’t have a clue.”

 

I heard this quote last week, and literally laughed out loud because of how ridiculously true it is in my life.

The longer I live in Europe, the longer I interact with different cultures and attempt to struggle my way through a new language, the longer I study a topic and interact with professionals who have dedicated their entire lives to this fight, the more I realize how little I really know. If you’ve noticed my blog posts getting a bit more sparse during the last month, I can’t just blame busy-ness alone. A huge part of my hesitation to write was this sense of…uncertainty. I suddenly began realizing the consequences of throwing knowledge and information carelessly into cyberspace when I’m in no way a professional.

I have, however, found another source of writing inspiration this week in the form of very unexpected blessings. Many of you know that after completing the Shine Seminar, I had planned to immediately jump into a 6-week internship here in Amsterdam. To my surprise, I found out two weeks ago that we would be given a week off in between these two–meaning we could travel! Ben and I scraped our pennies together and spent a lovely five days getting a little taste of Switzerland and Italy. What a dream!

With those additions, we’ve actually had the privilege of seeing five countries in the past four weeks–crazy!! For anyone who’s interested, I thought I would highlight our favorite parts of each experience and throw in a few photos as well. 🙂 Enjoy!

Norway

Since we didn’t know we’d have a whole week off later in the month, we took advantage of a three-day weekend to visit family up north. What a relaxing way to spend a few days. We loved meeting relatives, enjoying the beautiful view of the fjords, and seeing a few historical sights. I think Ben’s favorite part was definitely making Norwegian coffee up on the hillside, which involved among other ingredients a wood stove and juniper branch. I think we both would have loved to stay there for a month, hiking and camping our way through the beauty. One day we’ll be back!

Belgium

On a whim, we took a day trip to Antwerp, Belgium, which was only two hours from Amsterdam by train. Pretty much the only thing we spent our money on here was food–eating at the first waffle house in Antwerp, trying Belgian chocolates, and snacking on Belgian frites, or fries. We also loved wandering around the city, seeing old castles and stumbling into one of the most lovely cathedrals we’ve seen so far in Europe. Since we didn’t make it past the Dutch-speaking section of Belgium, we could still even use our few words of Dutch we’ve picked up so far to communicate.

Switzerland

Originally we had mourned the fact that we would be in Europe without a good opportunity to visit the Alps and bring Ben back to his Swiss-German roots. So when we found out we had the week off, we decided to stop over for a day on our way through to Italy. Surprisingly, we ended up seeing quite a bit in 24hrs! Our favorite part was definitely taking the train along Lake Geneva and up into the mountains to the top of Rochers de Naye. The views were even more incredible than we had anticipated., and we even got a free meal of Swiss cheese fondue along with our train ticket, which was amaaazing. That evening we explored the city of Geneva for a few hours, and headed to Venice the next morning.

Italy

It’s official: I was born in the wrong country. Already I have discovered what Ben is calling my “Italian soul,” and completely fell in love with this beautiful country. We spent four delightful days in Venice, walking the narrow streets, sitting along canals, and stopping for an espresso or scoop of gelato whenever we felt like it. Describing what it was like doesn’t’ even really feel like it can do it justice. So here are just a bunch of pictures to help you get a good idea!

Netherlands

Yes, this still counts as a country. 🙂 Mostly because, when we got back this weekend, we had the opportunity to explore some of the gorgeous farmlands and dikes by bike with some new friends. It was the day after Ascension (which is a national holiday weekend here), so we also enjoyed some traditional Dutch street foods and watched the town’s annual tug-of-war competition that evening. The small villages of the Netherlands are so different from Amsterdam, it really does feel like visiting another country in some (wonderful) ways. Here are a few photos from our bike ride, including a pull-it-yourself ferry across the canal!

Well, that’s all from us for now. I’m still getting my languages mixed up now and then, so I’ll just say…Dank u wel, grazi, takk, merci, ciao!

Six Weeks In Quotes

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Sitting here in a cozy cafe on this cloudy Amsterdam morning, feeling so thankful. As I continue to wade through all that I have learned in these last six weeks, I thought I would simply share a few quotes that stood out to me personally. If you’re interested, take a look! In my next post, I’ll be highlighting more of what we’ve been up to for the past week as well.

Week One: Justice From a Biblical Perspective

“Heros are those who do what needs to be done, even though it’s inconvenient, uncomfortable, or nobody else is doing it.”

“Injustice is not a wrong against us. Ultimately, it is a wrong against God.”

“Hope is anchored in the character of God.”

“Do not be afraid of places of death. They are opportunities for resurrection and life.”

Week Two: Justice, The Sex Trade, and More…

“[What we need] is systematic, quiet, culture-based change. Long term comittment…and relationships are key.”

“Human trafficking is, at its roots, the exploitation of vulnerability.”

“Prostitution is the only legal job [in some countries] with non-profits created to help you get out…In the name of freedom, people are enslaved.”

Week Three: The Father Heart of God, Sexual Abuse, Addictions and the Brain

“The Gospel invites us into the depths, not into escape. We need to engage brokenness.”

“The core issue with our trauma is that it distorts our view of God, [and then our view of others and ourselves as well.]”

“The cross of Christ is so central to healing. To recieve life we must be willing to walk through death. Through the cross we can walk through pain and come out victorious.”

“Ultimately, what gives value to our work is the fact that it’s an expression of our love. We’re just giving back to God what He gave to us.”

“The biggest thing we have to offer people: the permanent goodness of God.”

Week Four: Perspectives–Networks, Politics, Law Enforcement, and Trauma

“Human Trafficking is an evil that will not leave quietly. It is an attack against the very image of God.”

“The biggest barrier to anti-trafficking work: lack of collaboration.”

“Coming together is a beginning.

Keeping together is progress.

Working together is success.”

“To defeat a networked enemy, we had to become a network ourselves.”

Week Five: Mental Health, Media, and Survivor Stories
“Legalization commodifies a person. They not only become the provider of the good, but the good themselves…it creates a culture that grows abusers. The environment itself encourages it.”

“It’s not a coincidence that prositution draws on the most vulnerable population of a community.”

“How can you use the strengths of your culture to overcome its weaknesses?”

Week Six: Pioneering a New Ministry and Collaboration

“Always be sure to examine unintended consequences. Well-intentioned but uniformed work can be very damaging.”

In regards to directing hatred towards buyers and traffickers: “We can’t have selective compassion.”

“Are we seeking to create safer communities so that these things happen less?”

If you’re interested in hearing any more about what I’ve learned on these specific topics, I’d love to chat with you! It’s so hard to convey all that has changed in my heart and mind as a result of these sessions. My biggest prayer in these next five weeks will probably be, “God, now that I have learned and seen this, what would you like me to do with it?”

Wherever these next six weeks and beyond take me, I know one thing, however: I will enter them with a much larger perspective towards all sides of the issue, and a deeper heart to work with excellence and discernment.