Between the Thunder and the Lightning

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At the beginning of the year, I wrote these words: “I’m not one for many New Year’s resolutions, but I know this: I want to welcome what this year brings with open hands, embrace beauty, dare to follow creativity, and refuse to be led by fear.”

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about that last part. Refusing to be led by fear.

You don’t need me to tell you that so much of the world around us is shaped strongly by fear – fear of strangers, of opposing views or political parties, of losing our retirement or the admiration of the crowds. More and more, we’re starting to talk as a nation about fear & divisions & polarization. I’m glad for that. And more and more, I realize that this culture of fear has certainly seeped into my own heart as well. Continue reading →

Who doesn’t want that?

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I’ve never thought of myself as a powerful person. Or even a person who is tempted by power. Perhaps this is because I’ve never seen myself as much of a leader — I’d much rather be the support squad .

But what is power? Often we equate power with leadership or authority — a big presence, someone who can call the shots. But at its core, power is simply the capacity to affect reality. Who doesn’t want that?  Continue reading →

Holy Words

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For as long as I can remember, I’ve wished to be part of a culture rich with tradition and  weekly rituals like the Sabbath prayers or traditional dances. I was hungry for a way of living that felt more embodied and yet transcendent.

More than this, I craved holy words. When I looked out across the Alps, listened to a hurting friend, or walked in my neighborhood in the glory of a spring day, I longed for a prayer to rise to my lips that fit a moment like this.

I was looking for a liturgy. Continue reading →

The Great Cousin Adventure

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One thing I’ve learned about myself over the years is how highly I value the simple act of being present. This is especially true in relationships – nothing brings me greater joy than sitting down with someone to enjoy a meal, a beautiful view, or a cup of tea. As our circle of friends and family has continued to expand around the world, I (and my husband) have tried to make the time and space to visit them. There’s probably nothing we love more than learning from people in different places, cultures, and backgrounds.

So when a cousin of mine married a gal from Sweden last year, we knew we wanted to make every effort to visit them. Very long story short, I also have a lot of family in the Midwest I don’t get to see very often, and it turns out they wanted to visit them too. And the Great Cousin Adventure was born!

Continue reading →

I’m Not #Blessed

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Lots of dear friends have been asking me what my biggest takeaways are from my time in Africa. In response, I feel lost for words, only able to come up with, “It just felt so..well…normal, and such an honor to be there.”

My fifteen year old self would have come away saying something like, “After seeing people with so little, I realized how blessed I truly am.” But this time, I thought back to the people I met who were rich in love, who knew how to laugh at themselves and stand tall with dignity, who were creative and kind and resourceful, and I just thought, “I wish you could meet them too.” Continue reading →

Hunger

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Recently I’ve been considering what it means that we are not only beings that think, but desire. It seemed appropriate during this season of Lent to meditate on what it means to hunger, in the deepest sense of the word. And now, on Maundy Thursday, I think it is only appropriate for us to meditate on Christ’s final meal with his disciples–the Eucharist, and what it reveals about the point of all our hunger.

Alexander Schmemann notes, “In the biblical story of creation man is presented first of all, as a hungry being…and this image of the banquet remains throughout the whole Bible, the central image of life.” Continue reading →

Coming to terms with my number

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I am a two.

To those who are familiar with the Enneagram, I basically just told you all my dirty secrets. Although the Enneagram is considered an ancient personality typing method (making a trendy comeback), I would consider it more of a rigorous soul assessment. It has forced me to confront everything lurking in my heart: hopes, dreams, fears–both what I would die for and what I would die to avoid.

And, as much as I’ve tried to run from it, I am a two.

So what does that mean?  Continue reading →

One year.

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It’s been one year since I began feeling so sick. One year since I spiraled into a maze of doctors appointments and the fog of illness and the anxiety of unanswered questions.

One year later, a lot of people are still asking me, “how are you feeling?”

And I get that. Although I began feeling like myself again somewhere around August, it’s been a long road of recovery and I don’t think I’ve been very good at keeping people updated with the slow, steady work of getting better. Continue reading →